novels, DANIEL CURZON annotated available plays

Annotated PLAYS by DANIEL CURZON

(all scripts are copyrighted)

Most are in COLLECTED PLAYS OF DANIEL CURZON) (Amazon.com)

1. THIRTEENTH NIGHT, or MALVOLIO'S REVENGE

-- Puritan Malvolio from Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, or What You Will makes good on his promise to take revenge "upon the whole pack of you," from aristocratic Lady Oblivia Lovecock to her former Clown now turned lawyer, Fester; from drunken wastrel Sir Toby Fartte and his wife, Ave Mariah, to their foolish friend, Sir Andrew Dribbledick, to whoever else gets in his way, whether it be the boy-dressing Viola or her over-eating husband, Duke Porcino. No one is safe, including Malvolio's fiancee, the former maid Molly Brightheart, or his "spy," the servant John B. Simpleton. It is a problem play that blows the lid off the surprising perversities of the original play.

MOOD: a neo-Shakespearean comedy, but completely understandable.

CHARACTERS: (13) bitter Malvolio; his fiancee Molly Brightheart, Lady Oblivia Lovecock, who has more than a fancy for girls dressed like boys; her husband, Sebastian with a secret "pirate" past; Antonio, a loud and proud pirate who loved Sebastian, at least when he was a lad; debt-ridden, alcoholic Sir Toby Fartte, his on-the-wagon wife, Ave Mariah, Sir Andrew Dribbledick, a gull seeking a wife; Lawyer Fester, Fabian, his cynical assistant; the Lady Viola; her husband the Duke Porcino, who is in love with Oblivia and not his wife; John B. Simpleton, a put-upon servant; 3 walk-ons.

PLAYING TIME: 3 hours Its is Noand his wifeMalstriking perversities in the original play and exposes Shakespeare’sk, her husband Sir Sebastian

2. WOULDA, COULDA, SHOULDA, or God Throws a Party

– God invites six people to a suspicious "party" and makes them go through their entire lives in two hours, from kindergarten through a high school dance, a class reunion, speed dating (twice), a funeral, a group therapy session, a med-spa,

a nursing home, and the Gates of Heaven and Last Judgment with Talent Show. Who would choose to live his or her life exactly as it is going to be, including one’s death, if it shown to you before it happens? Hmm?

Mood Serious Semi-Absurdist comedy

Characters (7) God, male or female (change pronouns), any age, sassy, engaging, forceful, nicely dressed;

The Kids Three men, three women, probably best if in their twenties:

Calvin, male, atheistic, smart, attractive, arrogant

Ashley, female, kooky, artistic, neurotic

Jeremiah, male, silly, dumb, sweet, sympathetic

Madison, female, traditional, conniving, hyper-vigilant

Stanley, male, kind, dutiful, quiet, boring

Belinda Sue, female, impulsive, highly sexed, troubled, lazy

Setting Mere suggestions of the locales mentioned above, very few special props, six chairs, a spatula, etc.

Style Realistic, but hyper so.

Playing Time 2 ½ hours with Intermission

3. METER MAIDS IN FLAMES (a comedy noir)

— A shy, ineffectual man gets in touch with his inner murderer, the worst friend in the world, his senile sister, a humorless daughter from Morbidia, to say nothing of his inner cunt.

Mood Off-beat comedy

Characters (5) Public Shelby, Secret Shelby, Polly the terrible friend,

Jeanette the embarrassingly senile sister, Zara the daughter any parent

would dread.

Setting Present day, no special sets needed except for the front of a mausoleum, suggestions of a group-home, a restaurant, an apartment.

Style Noir Absurdist

Playing Time 1hr 45 plus Intermission

4. CHRISTMAS: Naughty and Nice — Five one-acts with Christmas themes, from the poignant to the pungent to the Absurd.

ACT I "A Christmas Mistake" (a touching story of a little girl (use a hand puppet) and her father encountering a homeless man on Christmas Eve), "Honest Xmas Presents" (a biting satire on what families give as gifts – and what they would if

they could), "A Christmas Miracle" (two closeted gay Air Force officers on a miraculous night in the Officers’ Club), "Nuns and Buns" (two Catholic nuns have Christmas dinner out in a cafeteria but get into a spirited debate that gets out of hand).

Alternatively: for one-hour show instead of "The Christmas to End All Christmases" use "Body and Soul: Xmas version")

ACT II "The Christmas to End All Christmases" (Ebenezer Putz encounters numerous visits from all the Christmas characters you can think of, from Bob Scratchit to the Little Drummer Boy to Sadie Claus and even Santa and Street Jesus).

Mood Mostly comedy, some drama

Characters (5) With properly versatile actors, all the parts can be played by

a small cast, probably best with a mature male, a mature female, a young male,

a young female, another male of any age. Some female parts can be played in drag.

Setting Various, suggested, more with props and costume touches than

full-blown ones.

Style Realistic to Absurd, depending on each one-act.

Playing Time About 90 minutes with one fifteen-minute Intermission

Produced by Dark Theatre Co, Portland, Maine, December, 2009.

PUBLISHED by: Proplay

5. ONE DAMNED THING AFTER ANOTHER, or Oops, That Must Have Hurt

— A gay man and the two women who love him exchange e-mails as the vicissitudes and passions of their lives ebb and flow

Mood Drama, with some comedy

Characters (3) Ted, Kitti, and Lola (all between 45-60) Kitti has a British

accent. Lola has a touch of a Brooklyn accent. Ted has an American accent

Setting The three sit or possible use podiums reading the e-mails they have

written to each other; no need to memorize the lines

Style Realistic

Playing Time About two hours, with one Intermission

6. ENTER THE PRINCESS

— Princess Margaret of Great Britain was the Princess Diana of her day. Here we see her witty, snotty, loving, frustrated self as she goes from a 21-year-old to her death at age 71, seen mainly through the three loves of her life. (co-written with Lady Ninki Mallet, 90% to 10%)

Mood Drama, with witty lines and some liberties

Characters (10-25, depending on budget) Princess Margaret; Group Captain

Townsend; Antony Armstrong-Jones; Roddy Llewellyn; the Queen; Prince Philip; Ladies-in-Waiting; Voices; Servants; Officials, etc. with doubling except in the main roles

Setting A platform for public appearances; various rooms for private events

(the same room with variations can be used)

Style Realistic biography, with some ghost and imaginary sequences and

some enhancements

Playing Time Three-plus hours, with Intermission

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

7. DESPICABLE DAUGHTER, or Shed No Tears for April

— A sociopathic daughter and a feisty gay man fight for the love (and estate)

of a woman dying of cancer.

Mood Drama, with comedy elements

Characters (4) The difficult daughter; the put-upon mother; gay friend

of mother, executor of her will; and his long-time partner

Setting Modern day, minimal sets; use a few props and pools of light

Style Realistic, except when the characters move in slow motion from

one scene to the next before resuming realistic movement within the scene.

Playing Time About 2 hours, plus intermission

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

8. BLESS ME FATHER. I HAVE SINNED

— Sebastian, a young Southern gentleman out of a Tennessee Williams play, goes to confession and gives the Catholic priest an earful. Meanwhile, Marilyn Monroe shows up in the adjoining confessional with sexual problems.

Mood Biting comedy

Characters (4) Sebastian, 30-40, nice-looking, Southern accent, as in

Suddenly Last Summer; Priest, over 50, manly; Norma Jean, early 30s, blonde, pretty, head and face mostly covered by a scarf;

Female, over fifty, walk-on

Time 1957

Playing Time About one and a half hours, no intermission

Award: semi-finalist, Reverie Theater, Next Generation Playwrights Contest, 2006

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

9. A PINT AT THE PREGNANT PRIEST, or a Pint at the Queen’s Arse — Set in a modern-day country Irish pub, Old Ireland and New Ireland meet

in a black romp that is both touching and comic. An American tourist encounters

a grouchy pub owner as well as Mad Mary, who lives in a cardboard box, to

say nothing of Father Finnessey, who is a pregnant Catholic priest. With magic

in the air (literally), there is love all around for Mad Mary.

Mood Comedy, with touching moments

Characters (4) The American Tourist; The Pub Owner; Mad Mary;

Father Finnessey

Playing Time About 2 hours, with one intermission

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

10. GODOT ARRIVES

— Godot finally arrives, bringing mankind, in the form of two homeless men various spiritual, worldly, and mental "answers" to life’s riddles, while the sinister clown Bozo interferes. All is presented in a comic, absurdist manner that is a comment on the theater as much as on human existence. Original script with entirely new content.

Mood Absurdist comedy

Characters (4 male ) A.M (Stoogey); P.M. (Piddle); G.D.; Bozo (All can

be played by strong females) (The names Estragon and Vladimir can be

used but not preferred.)

Playing Time About 1 ½ hours, with one intermission

1999 WINNER: NATIONAL NEW PLAY CONTEST (Southwest Theatre Assoc.) Also: Performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Edinburgh, Scotland,

California Travel Troupe, summer, 2000. Also performed in the Orlando Fringe Festival, 2008 (excerpts on YouTube) Also performed by Cathaayatra Production, New Delhi, India, August, 2009 and again in March, 2011. Produced at the Studio at The Theatre of Satire, Sofia, Bulgaria, Winter, 2011. Also Gannon University Fringe, March, 2012. Also Jagdish Production, Mumbai, India, Spring, 2012.

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

11. 1001 NIGHTS AT THE HOUSE OF PANCAKES

— a series of vignettes that capture fragments of people’s lives as overheard in a restaurant — from the sad to the comic to the odd, with an emphasis on realistic drama/comedy. Some include the grandparent who has had to reject a grandchild forced on her, an Asian military bride who, as her English gets better, realizes who she has actually married, a militant smoker who won’t leave the restaurant, and two lovesick teens who think they’ve invented Love. Most roles can be played

by either males or females, and perhaps some of the pieces could be done

twice in each performance, to show how the dynamics change when the sex

of the person changes. The vignettes can be done in almost any order, even

with different casting for every performance, thus giving a different texture to

each performance.

Mood Realistic comedy and drama (would make a good video or movie)

Characters (6) (men and women, mixed) They play multiple parts, of all types

Playing Time Varies — from half an hour to two hours, depending on the

number of pieces used. Probably around 1 hour and 10 minutes with no

intermission would be best.

(in Volume V of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

12. A HISTORY OF REALLY, REALLY BAD IDEAS

— A series of sketches (20 available) that take a comic look at the silly ideas that have ruled the world — from sex to voicemail, from the Oracle at Delphi to dating O.J. Simpson.

Mood Satirical, from light to harsh

Characters (5 or 6) (three men, two or three women who play multiple parts)

Playing Time From five minutes to one and a half hours, depending on

number of sketches used

First Performed: at B.A.I.T. Fringe Festival, San Francisco, September, 1996.

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

13. SIMPSON AGONISTES: The Truth and Nothing But in the O.J. Simpson Trial

— A satire on the trial of the century, giving all the unsaid subtext of hose involved, whether it be Marcia Clark, Johnnie Cochran, or Rosa Lopez.

Mood Satirical, from light to bitter

Characters (6-8) to play multiple parts, can be done with scripts in hand

at microphones

Playing Time Half an hour to two hours, depending on amount used.

Not all scenes necessary. Select as needed

(in Volume V of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

14. THE BLASPHEMER

— Based on the Salman Rushdie affair but with the names changed. What happens when the leaders of Islam place a price on the head of a former Muslim who has written a book questioning the validity and sanctity of the religious faith in which he was raised. What happens to the marriage of such a writer, who is married to an American. Western and Muslim cultural conflict at issue.

Mood Docu-drama, with some humor

Characters (7) The Novelist; his Wife; and three men, three women for

multiple parts.

Playing time 2 hours (one intermission)

Scheduled by Cathaaytra Productions for 2011.

(in Volume IV of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

15. MY UNKNOWN SON

— A man who has donated his sperm to a lesbian couple at the same time he is writing a history of the theater encounters various versions of the son he wants and doesn’t want, from Greek tragedy to Shakespearean comedy to Oscar Wilde to Sam Shepard, aided and resisted by a feisty Midwife.

Mood Basically a comedy, with some powerful and touching scenes

Characters (3) The Father; the Son; the Midwife (all major roles)

Playing time 1 hour, 18 minutes (no intermission)

Produced by Martin Kaufman, off-Broadway Equity production at the

Kaufman Theater in Theater Row, NYC, October, 1988.

Also staged at the Circle Rep Lab, NYC, October, 1987.

First performed at Marin Theater Co, summer, Marin County, California, 1987

Published by Dialogus Play Service (out of print).

Published by Lodestar Quarterly. (in Volume III of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

16. WHEN BERTHA WAS A PRETTY NAME

— Several couples and family members are down for the weekend. The Hosts, two male lovers, are worried about Ma Mere, who does not approve of their love. Suzette is not happy with her wooden-legged stuffy Lover, and . . . This is a drawing-room comedy like those by Noel Coward and Somerset Maugham, but set in the present with modern issues.

Mood High Comedy, with style; some farce

Characters (8) Two Male Lovers; the Homophobic Mother Ogre; the sister,

Suzette; her Stuffy Lover; a Sex-Crazed Ex-lover of the Host; an English Butler;

a Woman Publisher

Playing Time 2 hours (one intermission)

Workshop: West Coast Playwrights, Marin County, Ca, 1988.

Published by Dialogus Play Service (out of print).

(in Volume IV of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

17. STUCK

— A modern-day white male heterosexual liberal Prometheus, in the form of a part-time college teacher, finds himself caught between corrupt Affirmative Action policies, neo-conservatism, and a student’s sexual harassment accusation.

Mood Comedy/ Drama.

Characters (5) Joe, in his thirties; Ionia, his feminist office mate; Herm, his gay conservative colleague; Leo Sues, the corrupt chairman of the Humanities Department; Boris Zilch, a dumb student

Playing Time 2 hours (one intermission)

Top Ten Finalist, National New Play Contest, 2002

(in Volume III of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

18. MARGARET AND ERNIE VS. THE WORLD

— A retired woman school teacher, now blind, is introduced to a retired construction worker who has had a slight stroke; they encounter the social and personal pressures to "be a couple." How many plays are about the loves of the elderly?

Mood A touching drama with many laughs

Characters (6) Margaret, Ernie should be at least in their sixties — star parts;

a fussy male Social Worker; a Junkie Thief; a Guard, a female Usher

Playing Time Three acts, under 2 hours (one intermission)

First produced: The One-Act Theatre Company, San Francisco, 1981.

(in Volume II of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

19. THE THIRD PART OF HENRY THE FOURTH

— Prince Hal, now king, is challenged by his choleric brother, the Duke of Lancaster. Indeed he has to fear being thought a "playboy" monarch because he has sneaked Falstaff and his cronies into the castle for some high jinks and hilarity.

Mood Authentic neo-Shakespearean play, not parody, sequel to Henry IV, Parts I, II

Characters (15-19) King Hal; Falstaff; Duke of Lancaster; Frederick

(a pompous emissary); Mistress Quickly; Doll Tearsheet; Duchess of Lancaster; assorted roles

Playing Time Approximately 3 hours (one intermission)

Represented by agent Jeffrey Simmons, London: "I really am mightily impressed with HENRY IV Part Three, and I do not use words lightly. It is quite remarkably good and at times quite splendid."

(in Volume II of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

20. CINDERELLA II

— What happens after you live happily ever after? Cinderella finds Prince Charming too "perfect." She’s is falling in love with his less-than-charming brother, Prince Moe, and she’s even homesick for her awful stepsisters. Meanwhile, the evil court jester is plotting to overthrow the prince.

Mood Musical Comedy (Music by Dan Turner, Book and Lyrics by Curzon)

Characters (15-16) Cinderella; Prince Charming; Prince Moe; the Fairy Godmother; Tickle, the jester; two stepsisters (Gargola/Odia); Father; Mother; assorted small roles

Playing Time 2 hours and 5 minutes. (one intermission)

First produced by the Angels of Light (Offshoot of the Cockettes), S.F., 1984.

WINNER: 3 Bay Area Theater Critics Circle Awards) (Tape of music available)

(in Volume III of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

21. OLIVER CROMWELL AND THE BOYS (No Mince Pies)

— Oliver Cromwell and the Puritans are on the rampage, because they’ve been persecuted. King Charles I of England is a bit of fop and rather cruel and loses

his head to them. The Puritans, once in power, turn out to be cruel taskmasters themselves, trying to legislate morality according to their code, punishing adultery and even Christmas celebrations. Judith, the daughter of a Puritan family, yearns

to be in the theater in a time when women are not allowed to be.

Mood Musical Dramedy — with parallels to contemporary religious fundamentalists, but with entertainment the priority. (Music by Dan Turner,

Book/ Lyrics by Curzon)

Characters (15) Judith; her Mother; her Father; her Brother; Cromwell;

Charles I (all singing roles); Heretic; Counselors; Chorus, etc.

Playing Time 3 hours (one intermission) (Music available)

Workshop Production at City College of San Francisco, summer, 1986).

(in Volume II of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

22. PIXIES IN PERIL

— A parody of fairy tales. Wimp sets off against his will on a quest for the dragon’s gold through the intervention of some pixies and a meddling magician. Funny spiders; hillbilly gremlins; an Imp Princess who changes clothes every fifteen minutes, etc.

Mood Broad Comedy

Characters (12-15, with doubling) the Wimp; Pixies; Glorioso, the magician; Affectionette (the Imp Queen); Ogress; Spiders; Monsters; Villains; the Dragon Playing Time 2 hours (one intermission)

Published by Dialogus Play Service (out of print).

(in Volume III of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

23. DON’T RUB ME THE WRONG WAY

— Four bisexuals answer an ad by mistake when a man advertises his furniture as "a good bi" when he wants to move. There is also a dangerous genie released from a magic lantern after a thousand years, and he’s not happy with the human race he is forced to serve and determines to do something about it.

Mood A comedy with satirical bite.

Characters (6) Sam, the non-bisexual main character; a "Liberated" Lady;

a Reluctant Swinger; a comically Creepy Guy; Man who Speaks No Known Language; the Genie; dog for a walk-on

Playing Time 2 hours (one intermission)

Staged Reading: Gay Performance Company, New York, Spring, 1991.

Staged Reading: Phoenix Theater, San Francisco, 1996.

Published by Dialogus Play Service (out of print).

(in Volume V of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

24. I’M GLAD I’M ME AND NOT YOU, or Avatars

— Four people appear in various versions of themselves from 1893 to 1953 to 1973 to 1993 to 2093, revealing the way sexual taboos change and re-assert themselves in expansive and repressive times.

Mood Serious comedy

Characters (4) Adrian, who is gay; Matilda, who is prudish; Alice, who

is liberal; and Henry, who is "good old Henry"

Playing Time 2 hours (one intermission)

(in Volume IV of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

25. BEER AND RHUBARB PIE

— A sexy, homophobic, macho Cuban repairman, having marital problems, encounters a gentlemanly gay man, who is also having sexual problems with his ex-lover — now his roommate. Sexual tensions abound.

Mood Drama with some humor

Characters (4) the Cuban Repairman; The Cuban’s wife; the Gay Man;

the Ex-lover now roommate

Playing Time (3 acts) 1 hour 45 minutes (+ intermission).

Videotape of one-act version, 25 minutes)

Produced twice at Theater Rhinoceros, San Francisco, 1979, 1980

(one-act version)

Staged reading; Gay Performances Co, May, NYC (three-acts), 1990

Published by Dialogus Play Service (one-act version, out of print)

(in Volume I of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

26. THE BIRTHDAY GIRL

— A woman drug addict of the middle class hates life. Her long-suffering husband watches and reluctantly begins to be sucked in as he discovers that he is addicted to his wife’s addiction.

Mood Serious drama

Characters (6) Addict; her Husband; Teenage Sister; Mother; Father; Doctor

Playing Time (2 acts) About 2 hours (one intermission)

First performed as one-act at One Act Theater Co, San Fran., 1982.

27. THE BIRTHDAY BOY

— gay version of The Birthday Girl, with two men instead of a husband and wife. (same as above) Published by Dialogus Play Service (out of print). (in Volume II of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

28. PLEASE, NOT TO US — the lesbian version of The Birthday Boy

29. BENEATH THE SURFACE

— Representative members of various prevailing minorities, from the handicapped to Native American, are trapped together in a subway train that is losing its air; their real feelings for each other come out. Unsentimental view of self-interest and bigotry in minorities.

Mood Biting, politically incorrect, unsentimental satire

Characters (12) Asian; Gay; Lesbian; Black Woman; Black Man;

White Woman; White Man; Foreigner, etc. (in masks)

Playing Time 1 hour and fifteen minutes (no intermission)

Performed in shorter version, Earnest Players, San Fran., 1979

(in Volume I of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

30. SEX SHOW

— 15 satirical skits on various aspects of sex, from the ways men are allowed to touch, to a man having a dialogue with his penis about whether to masturbate.

Mood Comedy

Characters (5) People (all men?) who can play multiple roles

Playing Time Under 2 hours (one intermission)

First performed: Gay Community Center, San Francisco, 1977.

Also Leavenworth YMCA , San Francisco, 1977.

Also Produced at the Mabuhay Gardens, San Francisco, 1977.

Nominated for Best Script by San Fran Bay Area Theater Critics Circle, 1977.

(in Volume I of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

31. DEMONS

— A gay man is vexed by the spirits of three women in his life --

a grade school nun; his unloving mother; his ex-wife.

Mood Drama with laughs

Characters (4) the Man; the Nun; the Mother; the Ex-Wife

Playing Time 2 hours (one intermission)

Staged reading: Julian Theater, San Francisco, 1983

Published by Dialogus Play Service (out of print).

(in Volume II of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

32. COMEBACK (a musical)

—A male cabaret singer is making a comeback as a female after a sex change. Personal and career challenges follow.

Mood Musical Drama. (Music by Dan Turner, Lyrics by Curzon)

Characters (4) The Male Self; the Female Self; the Lover; Person to play

various other roles

Playing Time 2 hours (one intermission) (Tape of music available)

Staged Reading: Noe Valley Ministry, 1987

Published by Dialogus Play Service (out of print)

(in Volume I of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

33. VERY NASTY INDEED

— Thriller set in an English manor house, where two sisters, a husband, and a gardener plot / counterplot clever murders against each other.

Mood Thriller with possible comic/camp overtones. Keeps the audience on pins and needles wondering who will win.

Characters (4) The older sisters (in her 40s); the younger sister (in her 30s);

the husband (30s); the feeble-minded gardener (in his 20s)

Playing Time 2 hours (one intermission)

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

34. HUGELY ENTERTAINING

— A group of "seminarians" is taking a theatre course in London. They ought to get along since they have a common interest, but someone’s purse has been stolen, another asks really stupid questions of their British theatre guests, one is a transsexual studying to be a clairvoyant, another is an old Shakespearean actor going blind, another a woman director with enrollment problems, plus a bed-wetting, blithe countess, and then some really interesting characters are there

too . . .

Mood Realistic comedy drama

Characters (10) Each is a mixture of the comic and the sad, like most people:

a witty, suicidal Lesbian, with lover troubles, has a play to market, fortyish;

an old British Actor going blind, Shakespeare idolater, over sixty; the British

Guest (multiple parts played by a man over thirty — actor, director, always

the same person with different names, sometimes a mustache or other slight changes); the self-reliant, impatient, falsely compassionate Director of the

Program, heard it all, once killed someone in a car accident, over thirty-five;

a poorly self-educated, badly dressed Social Outcast Male, any age; a would-be Clairvoyant, sensitive, also a Transsexual, played by a man, over forty, but not

a "drag" role; something of a Male Gold-Digger but not too good at it, who is

also a scholarship actor, thirties, handsome, under thirty-five; a Young Actress, opinionated, aloof, optimistic, overindulged, may have potential, under twenty;

a Nice Woman who tells people what they want to hear, others try to guess her secret and gossip about her, over forty; the Countess De La Rue, streetwise, self-assured, bed-wetting nobility whom others always want to wait on, changes her plans often, exerts natural superiority, unfazed by her own foibles, over thirty-five

Playing Time (3 acts, three hours)

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

35. THE MURDER OF GONGAZO — A COMEDY

(Also available in a one-act version. See information below under one-acts.

--What a playwright will do to make her new play a success.

36. HEAVEN — THE MUSICAL

— A hot new dance Club has just opened. Besides the hot dancing and the ‘refreshments,’ there are rumors that sex and other Unmentionable Things of all types (straight, bi, gay) take place in secret "closets" spread throughout the building. People are outside clamoring to get in; they’ll even pay — whatever is asked. But you can’t get in — not unless the Doorman picks you. And he’s very fussy and arbitrary about who these Special People are. Even some famous people have been turned away. An engaged young couple is out on the town just before they are to go back home to the Midwest to be married. They’ve decided to have a Bachelor Party in the big city before the big day — only together. Aww, how sweet! They see the commotion outside the new Club and stop to see what’s going on. They shouldn’t have.

Mood Musical Drama (needs music)

Characters (10-20) Cassie, an impulsive young woman from the Midwest, in her twenties; Milton, her fiancé, a conservative young man, also in his twenties; has a twin brother who died; Other Couple, a brother and a sister in their forties, with the sister very butch and the brother fem, also trying to get into the Club; Leather Boy, any age, a dynamic, contradictory sexy Mephistopheles in leather; Closeteers, a group of versatile actor-singer-dancers who play all the other parts.

Playing Time (2 acts, three hours)

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

ONE-ACTS

1. "A Play about a Wheelchair" -- A person named Chris goes out for an active day, only to find a myterious "Helper" following him with a wheelchair.

Mood: Drama

Characters: (2) Chris, male or female, any age; the Helper, any age, male or female

Playing Time: 10-12 minutes

2. "More Oppressed Than Thou" -- Super serious talk show host Charlie Nose has three guests on to discuss the status of modern "minorities":

a Black Man, a Gay Man, and a Zombie

Mood Satirical Comedy

Characters (4) (almost any age) Interviewer, Black Man, Gay Man, Zombie

Playing Time 10 minutes

3. "The Porn Star, the UPS Guy, and the President of the United States"

— three kids in their early teens consider a swim in a lake as they talk about their dreams of future success, with varying grasps on reality.

Mood Realistic comedy

Characters (3) Willy, Billy, and Jilly, all in their early teens

Playing Time 10 minutes

4. "Butts on Seats" — A theater audience member gets the tables turned

on him when two actors take a turn turning the tables. The audience is in collusion.

Mood Absurdist comedy

Characters (3), Actor #1, male or female, any age; Actor #2, male or female,

any age; Audience Member, male, any age

Playing Time 15 minutes

5. "A Carny Side Show" — A barker at a carnival tries to force an exorcism

on an innocent passerby.

Mood Satire

Characters (2) the male Exorcist, the Passerby (male or female)

Style Broad Satire

Playing Time 10 minutes

6. "The Noisy Nun" — A Catholic nun sets off an airport metal detector.

Now why would that happen?

Mood Bawdy Comedy

Characters (4), Sister #1; Sister #2; Security Guard; Voice

Style Broad

Playing Time 10 minutes

7. "An Arranged Marriage" — A mother and father have picked out a fiancé for their daughter to marry. She is not having it!

Mood Comedy - 12 - - 12 -

Characters (4) Father Mother; Daughter; Potential Son-in-Law

Style Broad

Playing Time 18 minutes

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

8. "Hell" — A man is called before a woman judge and charged with all

sorts of things that he is not guilty of. The woman judge is a large, ugly puppet named Judy

Mood Satirical comedy

Characters (2) The Man, any age; the Woman Judge Puppet

(Played with a vocal actor and possibly separate puppeteer)

Style Broad Comedy

Playing Time 10 minutes

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

9. "Reality Check" — Two male roommates are watching a TV reality

program and household tensions and larger frictions emerge.

Mood Dramedy

Characters (2) Millard, in his twenties; Brad, in his twenties

Style Realistic

Playing Time 10 Minutes

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

10. "Void: Where Prohibited" — Six plane-wreck survivors try to figure out where they are and where they are going; existentialist quest

Mood Absurdist Comedy

Characters (6), identified as #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, and #6

Playing Time 25 minutes

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

11. "Liars" — A lie-detector has finally been invented that gives absolutely reliable results. Oh, no! Where can we hide?

Mood Dramedy

Characters (2) The Examiner; the Examinee

Style Absurdist

Playing Time 10 minutes

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

12. "Hard to Swallow" — A man and a woman friend visit Capistrano to see the swallows return, before one of them dies.

Mood Drama

Characters (2) Dan, over 50; Ann, younger

Playing Time 10 minutes

Winner: Chameleon Theatre Contest, Minneapolis, Feb., 2007

(in Volume VIII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

13. "That Cro-Magnon Ping" — A take-off on "Antiques Road Show."

Is your priceless antique safe in the hands of the appraiser? Hmm?

Mood Comedy

Characters (2) Appraiser, older person; Appraiser, a younger person

Style Broad

Playing Time 10 minutes or so

Winner: Fourth New Works Play Festival, Stagecrafters, Royal Oak, Mich.,

June, 2008 ("The audience LOVED it." – Kathleen L, the director )

14. "A-Holes Anonymous" — It is a meeting of A-Holes Anonymous, who have been sent against their will to get cured. Yeah, right.

Mood Satire

Characters (5) Group Leader; 4 A-Holes, male or female, since A-Holism crosses all genders.

Playing Time 10 minutes or so

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

15. "A Streetcar Named Viagra" — It’s 1946 and a playwright named

Tennessee encounters a drag queen named Desiree in auditions for the out-of-town workshop of his Broadway-bound play, inspiring him to make certain alterations in the role of the original "Lance" DuBois.

Mood Comedy/Satire / Revisionist History

Characters (3) The Director (male) any age; The Playwright

(male in his thirties); Desiree (male, any age, a drag role)

Playing Time Around 30 minutes

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

16. "A Celebrity Stalking" — A self-important writer on a flight to collect

a famous prize encounters a sympathetic ear and a dead body.

Mood Comedy

Characters (3) The Writer, male or female, any age, should be eccentric;

Dale, male or female, gracious, any age but over fifty might be better;

Voice of flight attendant, male or female

Playing Time about 10 minutes

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

17. "A Comedy of Terrors" — "Al" Queada himself has been captured by

a bounty hunter and is being brought back on a plane for a sex change.

(three chairs required)

Mood Comedy

Characters (4) Bubba, a man between 25-50, macho, in Western clothes, including a long-sleeved shirt and a cowboy hat; Al, a man, almost any age, wearing Islamic women’s traditional garb (the all-encompassing burqa);

Skippy, a man, between 25-60, nerdy, in a nice business suit and tie;

Airplane Voice, male or female (can be pre-recorded)

Playing Time About 12 minutes. Performed at American Science Theater Festival, Los Angeles, 2011

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

18. "Don’t Open This Box Whatever You Do" — A young man discovers

a box left for him by his dead father containing information he may not want

to know.

Mood Serious, Fantasy

Characters (2) Narrator; the Son (or Daughter), early 20’s

Playing Time 20 minutes

Produced by the California Travel Troupe, Edinburgh Festival, August, 2001

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

19. "Beastly Fables" — A collection of 25+ beast fables in the tradition of Aesop but with new examples and new morals (the Cat and the Hummingbird,

The Monkeys and the Gun, the Anaconda and the Opossum, the Wildebeest

and the Lioness, etc.)

Mood Comedy; some of them biting comedy

Characters Narrator plus one, two, or three beasts

(only minimal costuming required)

Playing Time They vary from one minute to five minutes each;

can be used separately

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

20. "Batman and Robin: Cute Meat" — Batman and Robin meet on an airplane and develop a rapport. (Just two chairs required)

Mood Comedy

Characters (3) Batman; Robin; Flight Attendant

(Also available as "Batperson and Robbie")

Playing Time 13 minutes

Staged Reading: Actors Theatre of Santa Cruz, April, 2002

(Runner-Up in contest)

Also Staged Reading at First Stage, Los Angeles, June, 2002

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

Also produced by F.A.C.T. in conjunction with Jorian Productions in bill

called "GAY-licious," 260 W. 36th St, NYC, Sept., 2010

21. "Nun of the Above" — A Catholic nun who is a nurse encounters a representative of the Devil, who knows a terrible secret she is carrying.

(Just two chairs needed)

Mood Dark Comedy

Characters (3) Sister Romina, any age; Man, a sinister, devilish man

Playing Time 10 minutes

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

22. "A Fool’s Audition" — A man is auditioning for the job of Fool at

the court of a king who beheads those who don’t get the job.

Mood Comedy

Characters (3) The Fool, any age; the King, any age; the Advisor, any age.

Playing Time 20 minutes

PRIZE WINNER: Produced at the Great Platte River Playwrights’ Festival, U of -

Nebraska — Kearney, Summer, 2001

Published separately by Baker’s Plays, 2004.

Also performed at Green Run High School, Alexandria, Virginia, Feb., 2009.

Also performed at Edinburgh Fringe Festival, by Sherbourne School, August, 2010.

23. "Peni: A Post-Feminist Morality Play" — Two guys (played by

women with three-foot-long penises) have big needs. What if you had a penis?

Mood Comedy

Characters (2) Casey, played by a woman, any age; Jackie, played by a woman, any age. Needed are two three-foot-long "penises," made of Styrofoam, that can be strapped on. It the penises can be made to move all the better.

Playing Time About 25 minutes

Performed as part of an MFA class, directed by Gamaliel Valle, at the New School for Drama, NYC, Spring, 2010

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

24. "Air Rage" — A high school teacher on an airplane encounters a former student to whom he once gave a D. There are resentments on both sides.

(Just two chairs needed)

Mood Realistic Comedy

Characters (3) Mr. Brown, the high school teacher, any age between 40-70; Jeremy, the less-than-stellar former student, between 20-35; Flight Attendant,

any age, either sex (with just a few lines)

Playing Time 12-15 minutes

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

25. "So Middle Class" — An answer to "Zoo Story," wherein a middle-class man who merely wants to read a book on a park bench winds up having a tension-filled afternoon with a "homeless" person and a lot gets said and done that has

been bottled for too long.

Mood Serious drama

Characters (2) Thomas, who is middle-class and between thirty-five and seventy years old; Tobey, who is of any age, disheveled, annoying, with some dignity as well.

Playing Time 35 minutes

FIRST PRIZE, in ATTIC THEATRE ONE-ACT CONTEST

Produced: Attic Theatre, Los Angeles, June-July, 1998

Produced: California Travel Troupe, San Francisco, February, 2001

Also performed at The Marsh, San Francisco, 1994

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

26. "The Hit"— Four producer/playwrights have their bill of short plays picked up by an outside producer, at which time the power plays (to say nothing of the slashing and burning) begin.

Mood Satirical comedy

Character: (4) Don, who’s needy, sour; Patty, who’s overly enthusiastic; Bea, who’s very sociable but changeable; Neil, who’s temperamental and crabby.

Playing Time 20 minutes

WINNER: ATTIC THEATRE PLAY CONTEST (one of 12 out of 200 selected)

Produced: Attic Theatre, Los Angeles, Feb.- March, 1997.

Produced by Calif. Travel Troupe, San Francisco, Summer, 2004 at Exit Theatre.

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

27. "The Murder of Gonzago — a Comedy" (one-act version)

A group of eccentric playwrights meets for its regular play reading session.

Only this time a playwright, although she has connived to win their support,

goes berserk when critiqued and reveals "horrible" secrets about the others. Backstage dirt and a play within a play within a play!

Mood Comedy.

Characters (4): Annabelle, hyper lead; a Maternal Female; Macho Stud;

Gay Man.

Playing Time 45 minutes. Also in three-act 2-hour version

Produced by Theatre Rhinoceros, 1986 (one-act)

Produced by Above Board Theatre, San Fran, May, 1993 (one-act)

Published by Dialogus Play Service (out of print) (one-act)

(in Volume III of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

28. "Last Call" — A handsome man and an un-handsome man cruise but

barely speak in a gay bar, though what they’re thinking becomes clear in its

ironies and disappointments.

Mood Amusing and touching.

Characters (3) The Good-Looking Man; the Less Attractive Man; Bartender.

Playing Time 20 minutes.

First produced: The One-Act Theater Company, San Fran, 1980

Radio adaptation, NEA grant, 1982

Broadcast KQED and KPFA radio

Published by Dialogus Play Service in Homosexual Acts

(in Volume I of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

29. "Animal Farm" — Adaptation of Orwell novel.

Mood Satirical comedy.

Characters (10) to play multiple roles.

Playing Tim: 1 hour

First produced: The New Conservatory Theatre Co., San Fran, 1984.

Also produced by the California Travel Troupe, San Francisco Fringe Festival, 2003.

(in Volume VII of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

30. "One Man’s Opinion" — A killer of homosexuals explains himself in

hate-filled terms.

Mood Drama.

Characters (1, 2 or 3) the Killer; Police Officer or two (non-speaking part(s)

Playing Time 12 minutes

Performed in Homosexual Acts, Theater Off Square, NYC, 1991

Published by Dialogus Play Service (in Homosexual Acts) (out of print)

(in Volume IV of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

31. "S &M" — A sadist does a scene with a masochist, who turns out

to be Jesus

Mood Strong satire

Characters (2) S, a burly male; M, a sensitive male

Playing Time 5 minutes

(in Volume IV of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

32. "Immortality" — A gay man meets with his lesbian friend to discuss the baby they are planning, only to learn she has changed her mind about him as a donor because of AIDS.

Mood Drama.

Characters (2) Gay Man; Lesbian.

Playing Time 11 minutes

Produced in bill of one-acts by Theater Rhinoceros, 1986.

Published by Dialogus Play Service (in Homosexual Acts) (out of print)

(in Volume III of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

33. "Rev. What’s His Name" — A Christian minister, full of Christian love, teaches a Bible study class of children about AIDS as a punishment from God.

Mood Satirical comedy.

Characters (1) the Reverend (as monologue) speaking to unseen kids in Bible school.

Playing Time 5 minutes

First performed as part of The AIDS Show, Theater Rhinoceros,

San Francisco, 1984. Also national tour of the United States

Performed in acting class of American Conservatory Theater,

San Francisco, 1986

Winner of special award from Bay Area Theater Critics Circle, 1984)

Published in West Coast Plays as part of The AIDS Show, 1985

(in Volume III of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

34. "Sour Grapes" — Members of a critics circle encounter a director/producer who has received bad reviews and hence tries to poison them, thus highlighting

the eternal conflict between the artist and the critic. Conflicts between the critics emerge along with deathbed "confessions."

Mood Comedy.

Characters (6) the director/producer; a jaded critic; a nice critic; a push-over critic; a hypocritical critic; a foolish critic.

Playing Time 50 minutes

One of three winners of play contest, Actors Theatre of Santa Cruz, 1997

(in Volume VI of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

35. "The Tasteful Transvestite and the Three Bullies" —

Claudette Camembert is a straight man who simply wants to wear tasteful

frocks, but three bullies don’t want him to do. So what is one to do but teach

such bullies a lesson, no?

Mood Comedy

Characters (4) Claudette (a transvestite with a French accent); Three Bullies

Playing Time 10 minutes

First produced: Absolute Theatre Company, San Francisco, February, 1994

Also produced by The New Conservatory Theatre, San Francisco, Spring, 1994 Published by Dialogus Play Service (in Homosexual Acts) (out of print). (in Volume V of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

36. "A Christmas Miracle at the Open Mess" — Two gay officers, recently become lovers, decide to risk the military’s wrath by slow dancing together in an officers club on Christmas Eve.

Mood Touching drama

Characters (3) Chet, who’s new to gay life; Graham, older, more cynical; Major Sullins, a coarse, drunken homophobe

Playing Time 18 minutes

First produced by the Absolute Theatre Company, San Francisco, Feb., 1994.

Also produced by The New Conservatory Theatre, Spring, 1994.

Also produced by Frank Calo in "Men In and Out of Clothes: Four One-Act Plays," The Raw Space, 529 West 42nd St., NYC, Winter, 2000.

— "a very fine play" (Andres J. Wrath, online rev.)

Published by Dialogus Play Service (in Homosexual Acts) (out of print)

(in Volume V of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

37. "Producing with Poppy" — a self-aggrandizing, self-deceived woman producer maneuvers herself through a theater company.

Mood Satirical comedy

Characters (1) Poppy, the producer. (Could be male Popsy)

Playing Time 20 minutes

(in Volume V of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

38. "In a Five-and-Ten-Cent Store"— A lonely man and a sex doll.

Mood Touching drama

Characters (1) Claude, any age; plus Sweetie, the sex doll, male or female,

depending on the company

Playing Time 10 minutes.

(in Volume V of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

39. "Body and Soul" in Sex Show— a man argues with his penis, who argues back. (Also available in a Chrsitmas version-- really! )

Mood Comedy

Characters (2) Body, a male; Soul, a male

Playing Time 6 minutes

(included in "Sexy Shorts," Produced by the New Conservatory Theatre,

San Francisco, May-June, 1996

(in Volume I of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon, as part of Sex Show)

40. "Celebrities in Hell" – with Eddie Murphy and the Pope in Hell with AIDS Broadcast on KPFA radio, 1982; included in Homosexual Acts, NYC, 1991 Mood Satire

Characters (3) Eddie Murphy; the Pope; Guard

Playing Time 10 minutes

(in Volume IV of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

41. "Your Town" — Through life with a typical couple, from courtship to marriage to kids to caring for aging parents to old age, all in eighteen minutes.

Mood Biting satire on traditional "family" values.

Characters (5) Woman; Man; Son; Daughter; Narrator.

Playing Time 18 minutes

Produced by Earnest Players, in bill of one-acts, San Fran, 1978.

(in Volume I of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

42 "I Married the Nightstalker" (skit) – a woman wants the notorious serial murderer as her husband. Go figure.

Mood biting comedy about the "sanctity" of marriage

Characters (3) Wifey, the Nightstalker, Minister

Playing Time 7 minutes

(in Volume V of Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon)

For Production Rights for any play: Tel: 415-297-9220 or 415-585-3410

or e-mail: curzon@pacbell.net

A MILITANT SMOKER REBELS in 1001 Nights at the House of Pancakes

Winner of the 1999 NATIONAL NEW PLAY CONTEST for Godot Arrives

GODOT ARRIVES at Edinburgh Fringe Festival

one of nine volumes available at Amazon.com

back cover of COLLECTED PLAYS of DANIEL CURZON

from "A Christmas Miracle" in Portland, Maine

now published by ProPlay: http://www.singlelane.com/proplay/xmas.html

"The most interesting and unexpected of the plays is "A Christmas Miracle," in which two military at a mess hall Christmas Eve party (Swayer and Newcomb) hide their love and lust in full sight. Like "Naughty and Nice" itself, it melds the perversely funny with the poignant."

--Megan Grumbling, The Portland Phoenix, 2009